So here is the rough story

This is basically the rough story for the final project, which I have been figuring out with my writer Charlotte. So here is the rough story:

The Jolly Awful and Really Quite Wretched Conquest of Colchester.

The Romans have minced their way up from Italy and are taking over Europe. They’ve got their sights set on Britain – they want to introduce some Roman engineering and well as general Italian pizazz.

Claudius arrives on a boat with his men and a number of elephants. They have heard the British are terrified of elephants, but so are the Romans, which has caused all manner of problems on the way over. Because of this they’ve arrived late and the British – who had painted themselves in blue woad and had been waiting for them – have all gone down the pub.

Claudius struts around and demands a battle, he faces his arch nemesis Dave Dagenham and his podgy sidekick Arg Essex who take one look at the robust Roman army and immediately surrender. Claudius employs his men to take over Essex and to introduce new Roman feats of engineering.

They first revolutionize the plumbing system, fitting in proper sewers. However the Essexians fancy the idea of a hot tub, and ignore the groundbreaking technology and just enjoy a nice glass of something (using the Roman’s new glasses) in the hot tub.

Next they take on the transport system – the Essexians have been driving around in clapped out wooden chariots pulled by donkeys, but the Romans introduce the Alfa Romano with four horse power, as it’s pulled by 4 magnificent stallions. However as they are Alfa Romanos they do tend to be highly unreliable, and Claudius is continually breaking down in his new Alfa Romano Chariot.

The Romans also introduce Football Italia – the players are proper athletes who wear tight football kits and cheat as much as possible, while the Essexians stand around smoking fags, drinking beer and scratching themselves. Terry from Upminster – a typical rough Essex lad – is interviewed on his thoughts on the new Essex team West Hammus. He believes West Hammus is already going to be relegated before they’ve even started.

Claudius gets more and more frustrated with the Essexians, and wonders why he’s bothering to do all of this. Eventually he loses his rag Christian Bale style and shouts at everyone, then the director comes in (breaking the 4th wall) and suggests everyone calm down. The whole animation has been a filmed TV show. The actors who have played Claudius, Dave, Arg and Terry all stand around enjoying a polite cigarette complaining about how badly written the animation has been, and how they’d love to get a job on an advert making lots of money with little work involved. They mention how factually inaccurate the story is, and that the Romans in fact invaded Deal in Kent first, not Essex.

The End.


As of now, we have got a begining, middle and end to our story. Next up, we just need to get the script right for the animation, as we are going a few rough drafts right now.



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